


Political Animals

by whiskeyandwine



Series: DC Shenanigans [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Humor, Multi, drunk!Gansey, funny shenanigans in DC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8436952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeyandwine/pseuds/whiskeyandwine
Summary: Gansey died twice, but apparently he still doesn't have any kind of survival instincts, because he decides to bring the gang along to one of his mother's fundraisers and manages to get piss drunk in the process.





	

 

In the span of six months, Gansey had managed to make friends, fall in love, find Glendower, lose him, die and come back to life - and yet his mother’s political campaign was unbelievably still going. It felt like it would never end. The latest invitation to a fundraiser arrived, this time with a request for a speech from the mouth of the promising son. It took every bit of Gansey’s will not to scream into his pillow. Instead, he tried Ronan’s smoker’s inhale, and texted back: _We will be there._

_We?_

_I intend to bring my friends along. I promise they will behave this time._

_*   *   *_

Sometimes Ronan hated it when Gansey used _the tone_ ; he didn’t want to shake hands, wear a tie and generally be polite for an entire evening. He was already stomping and actively looking for a fight to pick by the time Adam dragged him into the guest bathroom and did things to him that definitely constituted as bribe to get his compliance. He didn’t care; it only meant Adam and he had done the deed in _two_ states now.

There was one person who always had a worse time than Ronan at these things, but now that Ronan wasn’t blinded by his anger at having to be there, he could see that something was off; Gansey was actually having _fun_.

He watched him for a while, before approaching him slowly through the crowd. Gansey was laughing loudly at something a man with an obvious toupée had said, cheeks flushed, glass raised and tie a little loose. Ronan shot Gansey’s interlocutor ( _interlocutor, jesus, he_ was _spending too much time with Gansey_ ) a half-hearted smile and pulled Gansey aside by his shoulder.

“Man, didn't you say you weren't going to drink tonight? With your speech later on and all?”

Gansey’s mouth became a small O. “I didn't! I just had some of those iced teas. Ronan, you should try them, they're delicious.”

Ronan took the glass from Gansey and took a sip. He didn’t know whether to laugh or facepalm. "That's not ice tea, you moron, that's a Long Island!"

"Oh. Whoopsie."

It was the first time Ronan had ever seen his best friend drunk. He was aware Gansey knew Ronan’s drunken self down to a tee; that was knowledge acquired out of necessity and worry. But now that the tables were turned, Ronan was happy to get to know a drunk Gansey from a purely playful point of view. Gansey turned out to be a hilarious drunk: he was twice as magniloquent, making grand speeches and complimenting everyone.

"Jane, have I ever told you what an incredible creature you are?"

"No, I don’t believe you have.”

"He told _me_ that, actually. I'm hurt, Dick, I didn't know you used that line on all the girls.”

"Ronan, you're a dream. I meant a dreamer. The line is getting blurry. What are suffixes even _for_? We should ask Adam. Adam is the smartest. Ronan, he's _so smart_.”

"Jesus Mary, Dick, are you _tearing up_?" Ronan also listed ‘emotional’ among the drunk Gansey characteristics he was mentally collecting.

"Oh, oh, I just remembered, Ronan, I may have given Adam some of that tea too.”

Ronan could feel himself going pale. “Maggot, stay with him, don't let him out of your sight. _PARRISH─”_

* * *

“I'm honestly offended you thought I wouldn't distinguish between an iced tea and a cocktail.”

"What the fuck do I know, Parrish? He's over there, piss drunk and crying about how smart you are. It's like fucking Twilight Zone.”

Adam gaped at him. “He's crying? With actual tears?”

Ronan shrugged with a half smirk. “I left Blue to deal with it.”

“He has to make a speech in 15 minutes!”

“Not happening. What's plan B?”

Adam’s gaze darted anxiously around the packed room. “Helen murdering us. They will never find the bodies.”

Ronan did his smoker’s inhale and turned, searching his brain for some magical solution. Instead, he found Blue waving her arms frantically, trying to get their attention.

“I lost him.” She said once they’d reached her.

Adam covered his face with his hands. Ronan scowled at her. “How the _fuck_  did you lose him?”

"First, yell at me one more time and I'll make sure you never make another sound. Second, he was _just here_. But I can’t see him now over this crowd.”

Adam was still kind of pale, but he recovered pretty quickly. “Split up, guys, we need to find him before his mother does.”

“This is what happens when you're a midget, Sargent.”

“Well, _Lynch_ , if you're so tall why don’t you use your human periscope and _find him_?!”

Adam’s horrified voice interrupted their banter. “Oh God. Guys.”

They all turned around at the sound of mic feedback. “Excuse me.”

“Jesus, Joseph and Mary.”

“We're fucked.”

Blue painfully nudged his shoulder, not taking her eyes off of the disaster just waiting to happen in front of them. “Ronan, tackle him. Take the power out. Bring down the house. _Do something_.”

But it was too late. Gansey was standing on the main stage, microphone in one hand, a fresh glass of Long Island in the other, and fully prepared to make that speech his mother requested - and the crowd was frighteningly attentive. There was no way to get him down from there without making a scene, and while Ronan wouldn’t mind doing that, Gansey made them promise this fundraiser would go smoothly. So there was nothing to do now but to wait it out. Ronan could feel the others bracing themselves along with him at his sides.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is an honor to greet you all here today. I love all of you. But do you know who I love most? _Glendower_.”

The three of them snorted.

“What do you know about Welsh kings? Oh, probably quite much. I’ve met most of you before. Well then, we are gathered here today—oh, that's more appropriate for a wedding, perhaps. Weddings are such a wonderful occasion, are they not? The triumph of love. I will marry Jane someday."

Blue's groan could be heard from the other side of the room. “Thank god I introduced myself to everyone as Blue.”

“I'll need to ask her, though. Respectfully. I don't even know if she wants to marry, she's such a free spirit.”

Ronan was laughing now. Blue went to smack him over the head, which given their height differences actually ended up being his shoulder blades - and buried her face in her hands.

“I will definitely ask her father for her hand, though. Oh, although that might prove difficult. He's a tree, you see.”

"That's it, _abort_.”

Ronan was openly laughing now. “Already, maggot? The show's just getting started.”

They heard Gansey’s voice continue on from the stage. “Wait, maybe Ronan could dream him a hand for me to shake.”

Ronan abruptly stopped laughing. “That's it, _abort_. Adam, go get Helen.”

“Hell no, _you_ get Helen.”

Blue silenced them with a gesture of her hand. “I don’t think either of you need to get Helen. Look.”

Helen was already hovering near the stage, smelling emergency like a hound. She climbed the stairs gracefully, looking as though absolutely nothing was amiss. The trio started to make their way through the crowd toward the stage.

“He's a _tree-_ llion times better than he would have dreamed! Young love, it's so wonderful, isn’t it, Dick?”

Gansey solemnly rested a hand on her shoulder and leaned towards the mic again. “Right. Now, I would like to present my recipe for success. You see, ladies and gentlemen—" he hiccupped into the microphone, and Helen visibly _stopped breathing_ "—my secret is love. My love, my friends' love. Love is the greatest force in the world. It moves the sun and other stars."

Adam started laughing uncontrollably and covered his face, shoulders shaking. He barely managed to stop long enough to explain. “He's quoting Dante's _Paradise_.”

“What a _nerd_ ,” Blue and Ronan said in unison.

“Which is why you should all vote for my mother! Because I love her. I love you, mom!”

“Thank you, little brother! I would like to speak too now, may I have the mic?”

"See? This is my magnificent sister. The absolute epitome of perfection. She has a great taste in plates, although our mother begs to differ. Of course, Helen. Of course. Remember, you speak into this,” he gesticulated to the mic while still speaking into it.

Helen snapped her fingers at Adam, who obeyed immediately and moved sheepishly to grab hold of Gansey's elbow as he almost stumbled off the stage. They began to walk through the crowd, trying to maneuver through the curious, amused crowd. Adam seemed to know where he was going, even though he had been there only once before in a not too pleasant occasion, from what Ronan had gathered. He led Gansey on, arm wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him up straight.

“How did I do, Adam? Do you think they liked me?”

Adam squinted a little, and Ronan couldn’t tell whether it was because Gansey was speaking into his left ear, or whether it was a wince at Gansey’s alcohol breath. Based on Adam’s amused reaction a moment later, it was the latter. “Capital, Gansey. The best speech I've heard in years.”

Gansey's ear-to-ear grin was worth every embarrassing moment that evening had provided. They passed someone who must have been important, because Gansey greeted them enthusiastically. “Are you enjoying your evening? That’s splendid. I certainly am. See, I've learned to appreciate life after dying twi—“

“That's it, we're _going_.” Adam had to physically drag him away from the puzzled guest, with Blue and Ronan making apologetic gestures behind them.

Gansey was frowning. “No, I wanna stay! I have so much more to say!” He stopped abruptly and went white. “Oh, sweet heavens.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “What is it now?”

“I didn't mention Ronan! Or _you_ , Adam! Let me go back, I have to tell them─”

Ronan tried to suppress his grin long enough to answer. “You did, you did mention me, Dick, it's okay. And Adam prefers to introduce himself, right, Adam?"

“Why yes, yes I do, I don't need your help, Gansey.”

Ronan knew Adam had made a mistake as soon as the words were out. Gansey’s eyes darted to meet Adam’s and legitimately began to fill with tears.

Adam looked horrified. “ _No_ , Gansey, I didn't —"

“Oh my god, Adam, I'm so sorry. You’re such a brave, independent young man. You don’t need me, I don’t deserve you. I’m so proud of you. You’re a prince among men.”

Blue snickered. “Recycling lines again.”

Ronan intervened before Gansey began sobbing right there and then. “Alright, _whoopsie_. Let’s get you to bed.” Adam flashed him a grateful look.

One impossible flight of stairs, two shoes off and one tucked in, loudly snoring Gansey later, the three of them dragged themselves back down the stairs. Ronan wondered whether they were still expected to socialize without Gansey, and was more than ready to fiercely refuse, but he never got to ask. Gansey’s mother was blocking their way at the bottom of the stairs.

Before Adam and Blue even had a chance to open their mouths, Ronan stepped forward. “I assure you, Mrs. Gansey, he didn’t mean for any of this to happen and he’s very sorry already.” _If he’s not sorry_ now _, he certainly will be tomorrow morning_.

Ronan could practically feel the shock radiating from Adam and Blue behind him, undoubtedly at the fact that Ronan had found it in himself to be so polite.

He quickly restored the natural order of things. “But for fuck’s sake, teach your son the difference between an iced tea and a Long Island cocktail!”

\---

“Christ, my head hurts. Death was infinitely better than this.” Gansey went still, the previous evening’s memories rushing in. “Oh my god,” he said, horrified. “Did I _propose_ to Jane?”

Adam was sitting across from Gansey on the bed. Ronan, who was watching them from his place by the door, thought them rather out of place, sitting in the lavish room, away from the bare ambiance of both Monmouth Manufacturing and St. Agnes

“You almost did. First you need Ronan to dream up a hand for her father to shake on, apparently.”

Gansey groaned. “She's going to kill me, isn't she?”

“Do you mean Helen or Blue? Because both looked positively murderous.”

Gansey went pale as a sheet. “It was in front of _Helen_?”

Adam shot him a sympathetic look. “Actually, it was in front of pretty much everyone who was invited.”

Gansey looked like he was about to be sick. Again. Ronan took a step inside the room. “I'm not following you into the bathroom to hold your forehead again while you hurl, Dick.”

Gansey ignored him. “Adam, this is a cataclysm.”

“At least your ability to fling big words around wasn't impaired. It was actually very moving, Gansey. There was a whole part about the power of love. You threw in a couple of quotes, too."

"Of what?"

"Dante's _Paradise_." Adam helpfully supplied.

"When did I read _that_?"

Ronan shrugged. “You should also know you tried to convince Blue to cuddle with you before you passed out. Well, you tried to convince us to do that, too, but Blue's the one who's probably never going to speak to you again.”

Gansey's face was buried in his hands. “I came back from the dead for _this_.” He lifted his head and winced at the movement. “Why does my head hurt so much, though?”

Adam started studiously staring at his nails. “Oh, _that_. Well. Ronan might have helped you sleep it off.”

“What do you mean?”

“He punched you in the face. Hard. You passed out.” Gansey shot Ronan the best death glare he could muster.

“In his defence, Blue asked him to.” Adam added.

Ronan put on his best shit-eating grin. “Also, there's the fact you drank about six Long Islands. It’s called a _hangover_ , Dick. For what it's worth, I've never felt closer to you than I do now.”

“Adam, please. Kill me again.”

Gansey threw up at least one more time and Blue refused to hand him the Advil before he apologized exactly one hundred times. His mother made him mow the entire Gansey Mansion lawn, and the three of them sat around, criticizing his work. Helen made him walk around with a mic everywhere and forbid anyone to reply to him unless he spoke directly into it. 

At the end of the day, it was Gansey who asked Ronan to punch him unconscious again; Ronan refused, sipping devilishly on the last remaining Long Island from the party.

Maybe the past 36 hours were worth the trip to DC after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find us on tumblr [here](http://blacktelephone.tumblr.com) and [here](http://excelsoire.tumblr.com).


End file.
